This theme comes up a lot in the therapy room. People judge themselves harshly against an ideal standard that they have constructed for themselves and against which they can never match up. Not living up to this standard can be very disabling for a person and can lead to dissatisfaction in many spheres of life.
In a work context, this behaviour can drive people to push themselves too hard leaving them lacking satisfaction in what they do, and often feeling burnt out. In the field of education, perfectionism can lead to problematic procrastination, which if left unchecked can create immense pressure to meet deadlines and the feeling that work that is submitted is never ‘good enough’. Regarding parenting, perfectionism can present in feelings of shame and self-berating if the parent isn’t always and constantly attentive, calm, patient and understanding with children.
In relationships, this can be a struggle to accept that no one can meet all our needs and perhaps raised expectations of what a relationship can deliver. In being creative, this can be an inhibitor from the start: trying hard to ‘get it right’ from the start can mean that new things aren’t tried out for fear of making mistakes or not doing something well enough. Regarding physical appearance, people can feel very low about their looks held against the perfectionist body images from media. Feeling lovable with imperfect looks can be challenging.
Perfectionism can make people very unhappy and dissatisfied with their lot. The fear of failure has a very disabling effect. It can distract from what might be going well and prevent actions and behaviours that can bring a sense of accomplishment to peoples’ lives.
Therapy is a good place to unpack some of these ideals and to bring about self-acceptance.